If this weekend has made me realise one thing, it’s that people don’t give two shits. And the ones that do, the very few, are minimal and can’t be there all the time. I had multiple friends away all weekend who made no attempt to contact me regardless of the fact that they knew how down I was. Actually, scratch that, made no attempt to contact me EXCEPT to tell me how much of a brill fucking time they were having or after I messaged them to make sure they were alright with no real response. No, how are you? Oh I have worked in retail 5 years and never had anyone make me as upset as they did today. You know, the usual. So you know what, people can go to hell. My solution is merely that, they are not worth it, if they don’t think I’m worth it. So I’m gonna stick my head into study until I can get myself the fuck away from here. Honestly, you’d think you wouldn’t have to try this hard for people that call themselves your best friends. But I guess it all comes out in the end. So I hope they bloody enjoyed their weekend and I hope it was fucking worth it. I no longer need anything but money to buy me a ticket away from here.
Because after a completely shit night of arguing and general shit family situations, the best thing for me is to have my best friend come to my house to pick up her GTM tickets (which I’m not going to) fully fucked from the night before where she went out partying and hasn’t slept, been out all night with friends.When your best friend hates people and hates going out and clubbing and yet comes to tell you the next morning that she had the best night out without you.. really not the greatest feeling. Like, I really thought I was gonna be okay this weekend, that I’d do some uni work and feel accomplished but so far, so shit. When all your friends are heading down to Bunbury and all you have planned is to go to the movies tonight. With two full days of work ahead I just wish I could forget everything. Sometimes I think life would be so much easier if I just didn’t care. These are the reasons I want to work a lot and keep myself busy so I don’t have to pay attention to how much people just couldn’t give two shits if I was around. I’m always the organiser because otherwise I wouldn’t get invited everywhere. I try my hardest to make everything enjoyable for every person and all I get is a shove in the face. Life is just way too disappointing sometimes. When you work so hard and all you get is sickness and loneliness. She makes fun of the fear of missing out but it’s so real. It’s not a fear it’s actually happening. I am missing out on so many things because I’m busy working and need money. One day it’ll add up to something. I don’t need people, I need New York. I need adventure and I will have that and all this missing out will be worth it.
28 Days – Wonderland Warehouse Project
49 Days – What So Not
57 Days – Europe
259 – New York