Those Days

Do you ever just have those days, where something really crappy happens and you really want to talk it over with someone but you can’t talk to the person who is making it crappy, your other friends are busy or non-existant and you can’t tell your family because they’ll take it all too seriously and never forgive any person who makes their precious child put on a sad face. Because I am having one of those days. For a good six months now I’ve been wanting to return to my blog but of course nothing good ever happens in my life worth sharing and when bad things happen, I’m too lazy or have no access to the interwebs. But today I’m making the move. I’m putting all my stupid words into a stupid blog post that I’ll probably read back later and think I’m the biggest drama queen ever.

I’ve been doing well lately though. I had my stable boyfriend, my slightly crazy best friend, my other friends to catch up with and I’ve grown my nails. After at least ten years of biting my nails I have finally stopped. My New Year’s Resolution reached after so many years of trying. And yet not everything was making me quite happy. Until it reached a point where – I’m not going to lie – I cracked a little bit. And it sucked, sucks. But today was the worst. Do you ever just meet someone or something happens that makes you feel special, like you’re one of a kind and been picked from a crowd. You, not anybody else. And then later you find out that you weren’t the only one, there was another, or others. It’s really not a great feeling, let me tell you. Now I, being a girl of many experiences in such an area, you’d think I’d learn but every time you just want to believe it’s true. And it’s crazy. I honestly wish that my brain didn’t fall for such things. Alas, everytime, it is how it ends.

Everytime though as well, I get through it. So here I am, bathing in my blue and gold water thinking about all the times I’ve stupidly believed that I could possibly be special this one time. Now I’m sounding like quite the bitter old woman, scalded by love too many times. Of course I’m not. A hopeless romantic for life and I know all too well that in no time at all I will be patched up and mended, with nothing but a little memory of the moment in the back of my head. I think I’m probably in need of some new methods of dealing. I paint my nails and buy myself new clothes. As if, if I look my best then everyone will love me and everything will be okay. I don’t know what it is. But my head is quite crazy. My obsession with online shopping, as if there’s always just one more thing that will make me more popular or my parents more proud of me.

My rant however is entirely off course at the moment, it’s quite the terrible little rant, I don’t know where I’ve gone off to, but I had to get it off my chest for now. Into the interwebs you go my little post. Into the big, bad world of wordpress.

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